Security Is Overrated

shipissafeinharbor

I am officially unemployed.

Up until this afternoon, I’d been working for a non-profit in San Antonio, managing their database.  When I decided to get another 9-5, I promised myself that it would be a means to an end.  I said that I would use my income to invest in myself and my music.

Fast forward two years and, somehow, it had T.J. Watt Womens Jersey become my security blanket. Rather than using it as a tool to accomplish my dreams, I had made the decision at some point to play it safe. I haven’t been to an open mic in almost a year. I haven’t booked a show in almost three. But the really scary part is that I didn’t even realize that this had happened until today.

Eight days ago, I suffered a third degree right ankle sprain and since then, I’ve been unable to drive to the office. Today they decided they could no longer hold my position and they let me go. Luckily, my husband and I aren’t dependent on my income, otherwise I may have ended up seeking their rental and utility assistance services immediately thereafter.

If I’m being honest, I’m a bit heartbroken over it. Even though I know the plan was never to make a career out of it–and I keep reminding myself that it was always supposed to be temporary–somehow I had let myself become emotionally invested in my work there. It was a great cause after all, that did a lot of good in the community, however I may feel about the organizational culture or management.

It’s also difficult because, as much as I thought I was an invaluable part of the team, I learned rather quickly that, no matter what you bring to the table, you’re always replaceable. When my supervisor broke the news to me, it was really hard to process. I had exemplary attendance and stellar annual reviews. I had just completed a database conversion project that should have taken a team and 6 months; I did it on my own and in less than two.  The fact that they could let me go so easily seemed almost cruel.

But it couldn’t have come at a better time. Like I said earlier, I had let the job sneak up on me and implant itself as a necessity in my life. And the truth of that revealed itself when, after being let go, I felt like I had T.J. Watt Youth Jersey lost something. Now that I have had the chance to sit with it for awhile, though, I realize that it was my ego that was feeling the loss; it had knocked me down a peg or two.

I also realized that this was a blessing in disguise (damn cliches–they’re so overused but apt all the same).

I think that, over the last two years, this job had found a way to blind me, or at the very least shift the majority of my focus away from what was really important to me. When people asked me what I did, my answer was no longer “singer-songwriter” or “musician” but T.J. Watt Kids Jersey “database administrator.” And while it satisfied my left-brained nature, it wasn’t satisfying to the soul. It didn’t pull me from my sleep the way a song does when it comes to me in my dreams.

My job had become an excuse to neglect my dreams. So, thank you, (insert organization here), for doing what I didn’t have the courage to do. Thank you for ripping that security blanket from my man-sized hands and setting me free.

Maybe I’ll write a song about it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *