I have this really bad habit of doubting myself.
Not just intermittently, like when something goes wrong or an opportunity falls through. It’s only natural to question your talent when you’re told “no.” A “no” is always difficult to deal with, no matter how familiar you are with the word, especially in an industry where it so easily translates to actually not being good enough.
If it were just during these moments of rejection that I found myself questioning my legitimacy as a writer, musician and singer, I could easily chalk it up to simply being human. But it’s not as simple as that for me. I find myself doubting my abilities ALL THE TIME.
In short, I suffer from Impostor Syndrome. Have you ever felt, regardless of what other people tell you, that you couldn’t possibly be good enough? Have you earned accolades you don’t believe you deserve or praise you’ve deemed yourself unworthy of?
Congratulations, you suffer from it, too.
I just finished a new song yesterday that I’m really excited about; it departs quite a bit from my comfort zone, which, as you probably know from my previous post, is something I’ve been challenging myself to do lately. As an artist, I think it’s important to be malleable, to be flexible. Especially since I’d love to one day be able to not only write songs for myself, but to write with and for other artists as well.
This morning, I woke up with it at the forefront of my Alejandro Villanueva Authentic Jersey mind, sure that I had probably dreamt about it last night. I had a cup of coffee and sat down at the keyboard to revisit it. I played it through a few times, playing with the melodies and phrasing, and though I was still incredibly happy with it, I began to wonder if maybe it wasn’t as good as I thought it was. Like I said, it’s Alejandro Villanueva Womens Jersey a bad habit of mine.
I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember. It didn’t matter that I’d booked showcases at SXSW & NXNE or that I’d signed with a great producer out of Memphis. No matter what I was accomplishing, I had a knack for undermining the progress of achieving my dreams with this crippling self-doubt that has been following me around all my life.
But Alejandro Villanueva Youth Jersey as I was sitting at the keyboard this morning, I found myself fighting against it for the first time. It’s a slippery slope, that self-doubt. And up until today, I had never made an effort to resist it; I’d simply give into it until it disappeared, at which point I’d start again, having lost momentum and confidence and often valuable relationships.
This morning, however, I was fighting it for the first time, telling myself that it didn’t matter if it was objectively good enough. I had to remind myself that, first and foremost, I make music because it’s what I love to do. Not to win Grammys or get rich (though, let’s be honest, both of those would be wonderful). And it worked.
I’ve finally found a way to silence that nasty little voice in my head that tells me I’m not good enough. I just have to remember that it’s not necessarily about being good enough. It’s not as though I’m going to stop writing music the minute people no longer want to listen. It’s not about other people. It’s about doing what makes me happy.